(photocredit via flickr Carlos Khalidi)
Are you wondering why your last date didn’t work out the way you thought it would? Maybe the problem is actually you. Some experts say women may be wrong about who they are and what they are looking for. Two Toronto dating and relationship coaches are sharing their advice on how to have a successful first date.
Before a date Edwards says you need to “forget your type.” “It’s all based on how it’s suppose to go we have those blueprints of what were expecting at some level. We just create it for ourselves based on the media and how we grew up and relationships we’ve had in the past,” she says.
Lesley Edwards has been a Toronto dating and relationship coach for four years. Shannon Tebb is a Dating Consultant and Life Skills Coach. She has had her own Boutique Matchmaking business for five years.
“When women think they know what they want they actually don’t know what they want! If you’re going to be open about yourself you have to consider your type is not what you think it is,” Edwards says.
Tebb says before you even step outside your door you should make sure you feel confident about yourself. “Pamper yourself, get a manicure and a whole wardrobe if you need to,” Tebb says. She suggests you should look sophisticated. “Don’t overdue it and wear too much makeup or dress in a too revealing way.” And she says you need to plan ahead. “ Call a taxi to get there sometimes people don’t know how to get somewhere downtown and they’re late. Go online and check out the menu so you’re not wasting time on deciding what to get.”
Women who are just getting back into dating shouldn’t be self-conscious when going on a first date. Edwards says men are physically attracted to women first. “ So if they’re already going out with you they’re already attracted to you, women can be confident about that.”
On a first date be open and share things about yourself because women tend to not share things unless they’re asked. “If you ask me what I do for a living, or why I do it, or what I like, what’s important to me, then most of us are happy to tell but we need to be asked.”
“Men don’t wait until women ask them questions they are just willing to share things about themselves. “Men don’t do that. They will give you their whole resume and tell you all the great things about them, so they take over the date and we don’t want that,” Edwards says.
“We don’t bond because then we think they don’t care cause they’re not asking stuff about us, so actually be free to share stuff things that are important things about you instead of waiting to be asked.” Even though men don’t ask you certain questions she says, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care.
Putting in the same amount of effort is crucial Tebb says. “Put in a good effort no matter what because you have to show you’re a good friend. You never know if you’re not interested you might see him somewhere else.”
Women should make the offer of paying too. “Start getting out their wallet and when the guy says no she should say ‘Ok I’ve got cocktails later’,” suggests Tebb.
Often women don’t know if they should be the first ones to follow up on a guy after the first date. Edwards says you definitely should and it does matter. You want to show them appreciation and that you had a good time. “For sure you wanna send messages that they were successful with you that they did their job delivering cause men wanna know they can provide for us and make us happy.” Edwards says to send a short, simple text like, “ Had a great time, I love that restaurant, what a great movie,” but to leave it at that and don’t say, “I’d love to go out again.”
The best strategy for women is to be open. Edwards says. “ Being open is really about willing to be wrong, be wrong about yourself, about what you want and be surprised by what actually is possible in love.”
Tebb says you need to be yourself. “Be funny and show your personality. Leave a good first impression. Men love women who are genuine so much.”
The bottom line for a first date?
“Look at what’s great about this person, what about this person makes me feel good right now?” says Edwards. “So it’s getting out of your head and judging and assessing how it’s going and getting in the moment with this person. What feels good about this? What’s great about this guy?”
To visit Edward’s website click here
To visit Tebb’s website click here